Although at the end of the day - every day - I feel like there isn't enough time in the day to do half of the things I want to do.
Blogging being one of them.
But I know that if I don't start making changes then things will remain the same and honestly - I have no right to complain about anything if I perpetuate this cycle of monotony in my life.
Therefore, I wanted to touch upon a subject - something a bit different for this blog that hasn't even taken off yet - that many people suffer from...very often silently - and many times are misunderstood.
I currently suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I do not take any medication for anything that I am dealing with right now and that is my decision. I feel like a lot of times it is manageable....actually that is a lie. I am prescribed a benzodiazepene (Ativan, aka Lorazepam) which I am to take on an "as-needed" basis. But I *rarely* take it...I can't remember the last time that I did take it, but the mere thought of it being there for me "just in case" - settles my anxiety as if there were a protective barrier surrounding me.
What compelled me to write this post is that I was very near a full blown panic attack yesterday. I had gone out for a short walk at work and a random thought popped into my head: "my, I'm a bit far from work...actually, I can't see the building" and THAT didn't help...I realized then that I never grabbed my pills (I usually carry them around everywhere I go - just in case). I was going to turn around and go back but thought that I wouldn't let this anxiety win so I continued around the huge blog. Well, it only got worse where I very nearly thought I was going to drop dead/pass out on the side of this industrial road. I felt like bursting into tears! I felt so helpless and like I wasn't in control.
